We are Human BEINGS, not human Doings!

October 20, 2007 by Karen 

This past week we were privileged to be sent on a Dream Trip to Disneyland by the Dream Foundation (like Make-A-Wish for grown ups). There were so many moments I will always cherish: Watching Zaiden’s face as she took in a “Real Live Castle” and recognizing music from her favorite films; Hearing her laugh as the three of us were lifted above the earth in a giant purple Dumbo and having her say “Again!!” after three trips to the Teacups; Even her reenacting the fear brought on by Mr. Toads Wild Ride brings me a special kind of joy.

The whole trip was incredible. Zaiden enjoys telling her version, where she jumps up and down and you can almost relive each ride with her!

I was able to take things easy as I rode around in a wheelchair with Zaiden on my lap. Rick did all the work, as together we learned a whole new way of communicating, him behind me, pushing through the electric energy and din of laughter. I know there are pictures forever painted in each of our minds that will always link back to our first time together at Disneyland.

I did not ride many rides, but got such pleasure out of experiencing the joy Zaiden and Rick shared. We were treated like royalty- the Dream Foundation and Make a Wish have a beautiful lounge just for their guests and we were able to take an hour-long nap in the middle of the day without having to go back to the hotel.

We were able to have a few friends join us while we were there, and what fun that was! It broke the day up with different little people for Zaiden to play with and gave me a chance to visit with old friends in short spurts. The energy of Disney never overwhelmed me, because we really took each moment as it came. And if one of us was tired, we rested.

After we’d had our fill of the Magic Kingdom, we were off to the beach. Rick and I were married in a very private ceremony on Laguna Beach. This particular stretch of sand is very near and dear to us and we were able to revisit it as a family! I was not able to manage the steep walk down to our secluded spot, but I was there in my heart, leaning waaaaaay over the banister to take photos of my little family playing in the sand, Zaiden happily “feeding” the ocean. The energy in Laguna filled all three of us with extra Joy and Love.

We made it into Santa Monica late Saturday. We were graciously hosted a suite at lovely hotel by a former employer and friend of mine. The whole experience was magnificent: A block from the beach, around the corner from the 3rd Street Promenade (My old stomping ground from back in “Karen Garcia” days!), and sitting in the lap of luxury. Not quite the Peninsula, but pretty darn close!

On Sunday, we spent the morning with my oldest friend on the planet, my “other brother from another mother,” and his awesome wife. One of those long overdue visits that was just what I needed. Later, we took over the home of dear friends (these are the very same friends who gave over their house to host our wedding party back in ’02) and had an intimate gathering of friends. Wow! What that did for my soul! Each encounter was momentous, genuine, connecting one-on-one with people who have walked with me for a few steps of my personal journey. Oh that we could all have that with every soul we have embraced in our lifetime.

The whole trip, I actually did not do very much at all. It was all about BEING. BEING in the moment, BEING in the Joy, BEING with whomever was in my presence. It is such a beautiful experience to just BE!

What took me so long?

Since this part of my walk began for me, I have been so blessed in many, many ways. When I was first diagnosed, many people, including myself, thought, “this is it.” It is what helped me wake up and realize I had a Do-Over. That I did not have to make the same toxic choices I had made before, whatever they were. (If you are curious, for me the toxicity was about overwhelming and stressing myself, creating and taking on other people’s drama, and focusing on the Have-Nots.) So one day in July, I woke up and started making different choices. Sure, I need reminding now and again. But every day is a new day to take a Do-Over and make new choices.

One of the backhanded bonuses that goes with being near terminal is that you get closure. I have had the pleasure of reacquainting with so many people from my past. I have received countless card, calls, emails and letters from people I might not ever have seen again. I was able to hold them in my heart, if even for just one more moment, and let them know how much I value them. And I was given the privilege of hearing in their own words what I contributed to their lives. I felt a bit like Tom Sawyer at his own funeral!

The thing that strikes me is this: Why do we wait to tell people how we really feel about them? Why don’t we write letters right now to everyone we love, everyone who has made a difference in our lives, and just let them know??

I still don’t know where this journey of mine will end, but I am so grateful that I had today to share these thoughts with you.

I am honored by your presence in my life.
Sat Nam
Kalena

When it is time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.
- Henry David Thoreau

Filed under: Living Journal

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