Sing Your Song
March 22, 2010 by Karen
I am feeling as though the end of my journey is near. I am truly surrendered.
This is to be rejoiced. I have completed many of the missions I set forth to accomplish in this current body. I thought there might be more. And perhaps there is.
I have thought and prayed a great deal on this. At one time I thought my mission was to act- to share human emotion in a theatrical bent- to create joy, laughter, contemplation through the words of Shakespeare and Shaw and lesser playwrights.
Still other times, I thought it was to write the great best seller.
I believed that it was to make a big “SPLASH” in one way of other.
What if it was all for Zaiden? What if my nearly 42 years was all to prepare me to prepare her for her greatness? What if it was all for the people whose lives I have touched and effected in some way? What if it was nothing more than learning to love? And to forgive? Is this not a high calling? I am beginning to see that it is.
If all our lives amount to is loving those we reach, isn’t this a great accomplishment? To love and be loved is the highest of all callings.
Surrender is a word that I have been using ad-nauseum of late. Surrender. It is not “giving up” or “giving in” to the dis-ease or to the pain and suffering of my human life. No. It is quite the opposite.
For me, I have learned much on this journey with cancer. It has been a great teacher to me- and I believe to many whose life has crossed mine in some way. I have learned to love, to forgive, to accept. I am sure that there is always more to be learned, but I am satisfied with where I have gotten myself.
You know that I believe in “ONENESS”- that we are all connected by spirit. We are all God and God is us. Consider music. Music is a concept that connot be touched. Only when it is deciphered can it be heard and felt. Music can capture our hearts and minds- and yet it is not tangible. I see each of us as a particular melody- a unique combination of notes, pauses, stanzas. We harmonize our song with others in love. It all sounds lovely when we meet our “Song-mates.” Yet, there are times when our own beautiful melody is combined with another’s song quite different from ours and suddenly ours sounds out of tune, too loud or too soft, not quite right. And we doubt our own ability to sing our song. Or we blame the other for creating “bad music.” But ultimately, each of us has our song and whether our song meets anothers in harmony or not, we are all music. And it is our right, our duty, our mission to sing that song proudly. This is how I see our connection to the Creator and to one another.
I have been singing my song for 42 years now, sometimes singing loudly, proudly with clarity and pride. Other times I have tried to hide my song for fear of it being mis-heard or creating a cacaphony when combined with another song vastly different than mine. But all our songs are to be heard- loud and clear.
Sing your song! Sing it loud- sing it proud! You have so much to share!
One of my favorite songs as a child was Karen Carpenter’s “Sing a Song“- “Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear- just sing!” The simplest lessons are those we learn early on and carry us into the big, scarey world.
I have been honored to raise my spirited, independent- thinking, unique Zaiden for just over five years. I was not prepared to leave her so soon. But I get that this was a part of my journey and part of hers. I hear her repeat some of the lessons I have taught her in her play and it fills my heart with JOY. It reminds me that she will be wonderful- she IS wonderful- in spite of the difficulties she has already endured- and those she will endure. She chose ME- of all the other “Mommys” available for the pickin’. I was the one she chose to love and learn from. I was the one she chose to help bring out her song that she will go one singing until her journey’s end. I was who she trusted with her first, vital five years. And her Daddy is who she chose to remain with once I am gone. And their songs will blend and divide in order to challange one another to their own unique songs. And I trust, too, that he was chosen for this particular job with wisdom and clarity. They are divine partners to bring about the opera or musical that is theirs and theirs alone. Meanwhile, I will have the great privlege of living in her heart, reminding her to proudly sing her song, no matter what. I will watch over her from a cloud, beaming proudly as her voice raises in all its perfection- all its “Zaiden-ness.” What an extremely high calling.
Zaiden seems to get what is going on. Out of her mouth came the request to be with me now for as long as we have. Her Daddy heard her and conceded to her request. So she is now by my side until she is not. And we find the harmonies we share each and every day.
She lets me rest (usually!), she compassionately helps out whenever I need something. And in my lucid moments, she sings to me- always reminding me in her sweet way that she chose me and that she will be ok.
I am so honored to have had the opportunity to touch your life. I am so grateful for all the love I have received, all the harmonies I have sung with so many great souls. Especially Zaiden.
Thank you for following me on my personal journey. I am truly living one day at a time, taking advantage of momentary strength, learning to sleep and rest when it is apparent that that is what is needed most. I have grown closer to my Mom than I ever dreamed possible. She and I have finally found where our songs connect and are creating beautiful music together these days.
I don’t know where or when this journey will come to a close. I only trust in this moment.
We are all “terminal”- none of us has any guarantees. None of us will “get out of here alive.” It is truly all about the journey. Learn from my lessons. Live for NOW. Love everyone for their own unique song- even if it is chaos to your ears. And DANCE!
Continue to Reach for the JOY! It is all within you!
Namaste. I see you, I hear you and I honor you for the light being that you are.
With Love and Gratitude-
Karen
Comments
37 Responses to “Sing Your Song”
Your comments are welcome below!
Connect on Facebook
Cup Half Full
Cup Half Full is a beautiful, important book of women and men on the journey with breast cancer, photographed by the incredible Katy Tartakoff. I was lucky enough to participate in this important project. It's an amazing book and 75% of all proceeds go to support breast cancer charities.
Bless, you. From all of us, Katy, Bridget, Rhiannon and Rich
Kalena
How is it that even from so far away you always
seem to hug me just when I need it. Thank you for
all of your posts. This one is precious and raw. I love
you and ZaiZai. I send you all my love an light.
Kimmy
My Dearest Karen…you are such an AMAZING inspiration! Your Courage, Faith and Strength take my breath away…
You are creating such a Wonderful Journey and I am truly blessed to be a part of it. Your Life expresses and reflects pure perfection because you are Perfect.
The kids and I were watching Happy Feet this weekend and the lesson in that movie is finding your Heart Song. You have not only found yours and are beautifully expressing it – you are teaching others as well. Always a Teacher – a Friend – a Love Light…
Much Love and many Blessings…
Cherryl
Karen. My heart is with you on your journey. Thank you for being you. Thank you for touching my life.
My dearest Karen,
Our songs have connected since the moment we met at that audition back in 2001 I think it was 2001.
What was it about you that drew me to you and what was it about me that drew you to me?
Your spirit has always been so pure, so kind, and so gentle. I remember how your eyes would smile when we would have girl time and chat about the man in your life and perhaps the man in mine.
We were meant to be friends from the moment that we met. What is it about some people that cause them to connect instantly?
I have so many fond memories of favorite moments with you: You meeting me at the nail salon so we could have coffee the night before one of my many photo shoots, Our trip to Santa Barbara — I still have the beautiful green top and sassy green eye shadow that I purchased that day. Oh and off course you coming to support me in my first cabaret show. Your awesome bridal shower/sleepover.
Looking back, I had quite a few first with you Ms. Lady, my first trip to Laguna Beach, my first trip to Santa Barbara, my first trip to Long Beach, the first time that I ever had a white chocolate mocha from Starbucks (I think that’s what it’s called), all of them were with you or because of you.
I feel so lucky to have you as a friend. Off course I cannot forget when I went to Vegas for the first time ever in 2003 and you made it a point to come and visit me because I had just had surgery.
You have always been so loving, so wonderful, so vibrant and full of life. I love you dearly. I have admired your sense of peace and bravery over the last few years. Through it all you have fought the fight and lived peacefully while doing it. I wish that you were not so far away. It doesn’t matter how far away you are, you are always close to my heart. I’ll wrap my virtual arms around you and keep you near to my heart. I treasure you as a friend and I will love you always.
Wiyatta
Karen…
I sobbed as I read this; grieving for you, yes, but even more celebrating you — the beauty of the child you’ve raised, the beauty of your journey toward forgiveness, the beauty of your voice through it all, and the beauty and blessings of my own life which you help me know and feel daily. I am holding you and Zaiden in my heart and in my prayers. I know you know this but I’m here if there’s any more you need. You have moved and inspired me so deeply and I grateful that we got to raise our voices together in song — literally — what feels like a lifetime ago. Your girl is beautiful. You are beautiful.
Krista
You are an inspiration! My mom too was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1987 when I was 2yrs old (she was 38). She had stage II, beat it, but out of nowhere it crept back up in 2004. Sept. 2004 she was diagnosed with stage IV as well — breast, bone and liver. She went through the surgeries and treatments and was stable, until the cancer in her liver snuck up on us in Dec. 2008. The scans took awhile to show the severity and by then it was too late to do anything else. She passed away Feb. 2009 after an amazing nearly 5yr fight. She was a soldier, barely ever complained, and would try any treatment the doctors (or friends) offered.
All the way until her very last moments, she wanted nothing more than to be here, for me, my sister and her grandkids. She believed in and said a lot of the things that you do, in a lot of ways cancer gave her clarity on what really matters in life. It also gave her the confidence to live her life as if no one was watching. It was with peace that she ended her journey, with quiet serenity and acceptance. Although there is no doubt in my mind she would’ve done anything to still be here.
I miss her terribly every day (she was my absolute best friend), but also feel very blessed that I was given those extra 22yrs past her initial cancer diagnosis in 1987, which she wasn’t expected to survive.
Looking back, every moment with my mom was precious (even if I didn’t see it that way at the time). I’m sure your daughter will feel the same way. My mom is with me in my heart every single day because I refuse to live my life in any other way (I instinctively run everything by her to get a sense of her feelings/approval, sometimes out loud!). Some anger still resonates within me, but as time passes it turns into acceptance.
I wish the best for you and your family. You will be in my prayers, and when your journey ends (which I hope is not for a very long time) I’m sure my mom will greet you with open arms in the sisterhood spirit that unites us all in this battle. Thank you so much for sharing your story, a story that too many of us have to face. You have touched me very deeply and made me feel just a little less lonely during a week that I’m especially having a hard time without my mom. Thank you so much, my heart goes out to you!
Karen,
Coming to know you a little through Krista and through your writings and correspondence: as Karen; as Kalena; as a mother; as a woman; in all a Magnificent Spirit, has been a Blessing for me. This earth journey is such a miracle and mystery, isn’t it? And You are a Beautiful part of it. – A Beauty and a True Champion.
As others do, I grieve with you, cry with you, laugh with you, Praise with you; Believe with you and for you; am Grateful for you. I’m so happy that you and Krista sang together. . . such a joyous experience to share. She loves you soo much. You are sooo Loved. And I’m delighted to read of your growing closeness with your own mother. She’s been your mom, this time, longer than you’ve been Zaiden’s but you’re still her child, (trust me on this one).
So, Darling Woman, my heart is with you and your beautiful family and whatever turn this play takes, I believe, It’s Never Over . So, for the moment, I close with a passage from Hafiz:
This place where you are right now
God circled on a map for you.
Wherever your eyes and arms and heart can move
against the earth and sky
The Beloved has bowed there –
Our Beloved has bowed there knowing
you were coming
Much Love and Singing You in my Heart,
Aysha
I don’t even know you and you’ve touched my life with your grace. I am inspired by the dignity and thoughtfulness you have shown in the face of all this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Zaiden.
Well, my Friend: For us it was a short but sweet dance. You are truly amazing and I honor you as Woman, Mother, and Friend…Jan
I cannot express what my heart feels for you and Zaiden. You have taught me so much. Live and enjoy life. Because of you I stop and enjoy my moments with my family more. I am so thankful for our time together and to be part of your journey.
All my love – Bobbi
My Dear Sweet Karen
I just received your message. I write this with a heavy heart. It’s ironic that you call your essay: Sing Your Song. Just today I sent a dvd of the wedding of your mom and me. Of course your rendition of ” You Light up My Life” is the highlight of the dvd. We will meet again in paradise and until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of His hand
Karen,
I have always looked at how to make a big SPLASH in life. Thinking that if I splashed hard enough and long enough, my life would have purpose and value. Where along the way did I get so lost that love lost its value?
Thank you for reminding me that love and forgiveness are truly of the highest calling.
Blessings,
Karol
Thank you. I saw your light and heard your song the first time I met you at Unity. You have inspired me in numerous ways. Words cannot express the gratitude I have for you. Please keep making your music! Namaste.
Darling Karen…I read your “Sing your Song” the day you posted it, but just couldn’t put my words together yet,’til you nudged me today. It has been wonderful getting to know you,albeit for such a short time. But our acquaintence is not over. Only to be continued.
I will say to you,partly quoting the Great Leader,”…I will be with you in Paradise.”
Solomon said that in THIS world, “I returned to see under the sun that the swift do not have the race,nor the mighty ones the battle,nor do the wise also have the food,nor do the understanding ones also have the riches,nor do even those having knowledge have the [human] favor;because time and unforseen occurance befall them all.” The key here is that this is the current human situation…life is so apparently random and unjust.
But that is why Jesus taught his followers to pray for ‘God’s Kingdom to come,and his will to be done ON EARTH as it is in heaven.’ In that paradise,you will blossom,and all the tears will be turned to tears of joy…’He will wipe out every tear from their eyes,and death will be no more,neither will mourning,nor outcry,nor pain…for He says,”Look! I am making all things new!”
We will meet in that brighter day, and the One who knows your tender feelings,will comfort you forever! Well,now you’ve heard my song. With Love,Cindy
Dearest brave and wonderful Karen,
What a shining light you’ve been to all who know you..reading your heartfelt “song” lifts me up and breaks my heart all at the same time.I never had a chance to tell you, but through my life experiences I KNOW about where you
are going on your journey next…….you WILL be loved and nurtured…as you deserve to be.To quote from Anouille’s “The Lark”…”Death has to be waiting at the end of the ride before you truly see the earth,and feel your heart, and love the world” It has been a privilege to know you, to share artistic aspirations and to watch you soar. G-d be with you…With the deepest love and respect, your friend..Charlene
My darling daughter. Words cannot express how much I love you. It is very difficult for me to write an “open” letter to you, for you know how I tend to be fairly “private”. Our journey together has had its ups and downs and its various curves along a long and winding road (sorry, Beatles). I marvel at your strength, your patience with me and the rest of the family who sometimes get in your way, but with only good and loving intentions. While this has been a difficult time for all of us (especially for you and Z-girl), it has also been enlightening. I would like to say that I, along with your Mom, have taught you all of the wonderful things you are, but in the long run, I think you have taught us. I cannot write as graciously as have others, but I can say, from my heart that I love you and that you will be with me until the day I join you in your final destination. I love you.
Dad
Dearest Karen,
I am so grateful to have received the email years ago from our mutual friend who wanted to connect us. My life was changed because of you… as you shared yourself so generously with me and everyone you met. You touched me so deeply and I am blessed to have been part of your journey, even though we only had a short period of time together before you moved from Austin. My heart sings for you, knowing that you are at peace and surrounded by your loved ones.
My youngest brother has stage IV colon cancer and I often talk to him about you and your journey. You are such an ispiration.
Thank you for opening your heart to us, for reminding me to live life to the fullest, for always choosing love, for seeing the joy and blessings in everything, and for honoring the times when it was hard. I will dance for you, sing for you, pray for you and Zaiden and continue to always love you.
With love and gratitude,
I love you my friend.
Linda Valencia
Oh, Karen. When I think of you I have to smile. We shared some precious times together with our big round bellies! I loved that we all cracked jokes during our birthing class (man, that was a stiff group!) and it was no surprise we became fast friends.
I think of those dinners and game-nights where you and I were as big as houses- well, my house was bigger than your house, HA!- and we tried to play that game were we acted out stuff. We laughed and laughed!
And then November came and I got your call, “Come over! You have to hold her before she is 24 hours old!” What a priveledge. Just as you were so open and giving then with those precious hours after becoming a mom, you have been open and giving in life.
And just 4 days later, I had my own little miracle to hold. If was precious to me to have a friend to share those first years of mommy-hood with.
I am praying for you and love you.
And I think you have made a very big splash, friend.
Lori
I’m proud of you, ole roomie. Wishing the best for you & Zaiden.
-Giselle
Dearest Karen,
Since I met you, more than 20 years ago, you were always searching, exploring, reaching. Always without fear–only courage; without despair–only hope; without doubt–only faith. And with Zaiden, you found your guiding light, your home, your song.
My prayers are with you and your family.
Farewell, my sister, fare thee well.
The elements be kind to thee, and make
Thy spirits all of comfort: fare thee well.
~William Shakespeare
With love,
Ora
I haven’t had the honor of meeting you, but wanted you to know that you and your family have touched my life. I’m sending you all lots of love, prayers and beautiful vibes.
I had a near death experience about 10 years ago. There are no words in the human language to describe the powerful and beautiful experience. When I “came back”, I realized that the only human thing that I had even experienced as one zillionth of its beauty was music. Song is but a very small speck of the all inclusive love, peace, beauty, and completeness that there is in the next stage.
I’m sending you love. Much love and peace to your beautiful family. Tonya
Dear Karen — I am so deeply happy that you and your mother have grown so close in recent weeks. In my view this was the best gift you could have left in the world. . I am also more than thrilled that your mother and your daughter have grown so close (or “SO close,” as your mother phrased it in an email to me).
I still remember when you and Joe and Sandy were 18 months old and began your profound friendship. Wasn’t it just yesterday? Now you go to join Joe and Charley. I will add you to my prayers every time I visit their graves. You were the three musketeers, just as Charley and Mark were comrades in arms as long as Charley lived. My mother, too, loved you dearly. She thought you were the most beautiful little girl she’d ever seen. And that spirit!! I think it reminded her of me.
Love
Kalena/Karen,
Both of you have touched our lives. When we met you were Kalena, albeit still Karen to your mom, and now Karen once again. Not only have you raised an amazing daughter of your own, but you have been a big part of the village that has helped me raise my son. You taught him lessons and gave him insight that I could not and that he will carry with him all of his life. Thank you for singing your song to him and for helping him find his own. When you choose to, go with peace, love and joy, my friend. You will not be forgotten and your song will live on in more people than you imagine. I will see you again, my friend, if not in this world than the next.
Love,
Nancy
Karen, You don’t know me but my neice sent me this web site and I took advantage of the rare opportunity to listen to a beautiful Spirit speak through her heart and soul. I absolutely honor you and your path with such admiration for your insights and courage. The ability to give such loving gifts and to know the truth of life and share those with us, is so unselfish and such a blessing to all who love you, all who honor you, and for those of us who are tuning in to your journey from afar. I teach a class on prayer and the magnitude of the power of the Divine. I will share this with my class, some of whom are going through very difficult times right now. I know that your beautiful daughter is receiving so much from you right now, lessons that will carry her through her life with strength and a maturity far beyond her years. You are a beautiful woman and I feel so much inspiration from your words. Thank you and I know that your journey is not ending but just beginning. Love and Blessings to you and yours, Karen
Karen!!! I had no idea…
It has been a long time, and it was a short time, but I want to tell you what a wonderful, radiant, and giving person you are. I remember coming over to your apartment for our reading of “Ariadne’s Thread” and a Mary Kay party- I was so impressed with you, and how outgoing you were and how lovely that iced tea was. And how feng shui your apartment was. And your cat. And sitting on pillows on your floor . Your aura felt harmonious to me. Like you fit in this world, you were comfortable and confident and happy. Getting to share in the experience of “The Thread” with you is something I will treasure and never forget. And now that I have received this news, and I am writing this to you, it’s meaning becomes so much more profound. We are all connected, my friend. I remember how beautiful and happy you were the last time I saw you. I think it was at a party for you right after you were married. I remember I’d made you this bracelet that said “Karen & Rick” as a gift, and I was mortified because I didn’t realize you had changed your name to Kalena!!! Then you moved to Vegas and we moved back home to New Jersey.
I am so very happy for you that you have such a beautiful daughter. What a joy and huge blessing she must be. She is blessed to have you – the wonderful spirit that you are- as her mother- I can only magine how precious your bond is and has become.
A very big hug to you, Karen, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You were, are and always will be a beautiful soul. May God bless you, my friend.
Karen. You, Zaiden and your mom have all been and continue to be HUGE gifts to me. I LOVE pulling up on Sunday am and then rousing everybody! Smile. You will always, always be a blessing to me-all three of you guys. Thank you from my heart.
We are all eternal right now. This is something I know for certain. I see the light shining in your eyes and I will see that forever. Thank you for being my friend and my inspiration. Blessings and much love back to you. Suzann
Karen (Kelana), thank you for touching my life. You have left tracks on my heart that I will remember the rest of my life. Whenever I hear songs or see movies of Angels. I will remember you. You’re a very warm and touching person, that the light seems to follow no matter where you go. Thank you for being you, and teaching me the meaning of caring…..
Your close friend and neighbor,
Elgin!
Dear Karen,
reachforthejoy.org was forwarded to me by a mutal friend who knows Katie. Your website is remarkable and amazing. I think your spiritual analogy to music is powerful. For what the heartfelt convictions of a complete stranger are worth, you will see Zaiden and the people who are a part of your soul again. That kind of love transcends death and time. Please know you and the people who matter to you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the best imaginable journey……wherever it takes you. I know it will be a place where every cell of your being will sing.
Wishing you a beautiful day with Zaiden and your shared songs,
Jana Vander Leest
Hello dear Karen,
Am much touched by this, which was forwarded to me by Giselle. Am currently staying with my brother and his three boys, as Kirsten (their wife and mommy) passed on Thursday, after taking on cancer for the last 21 months. Am happy for you that you have had this time to reflect and grow in gratitude. Thank you for sharing your light. Wishing you much joy and one special moment after another.
One of the “girls in apartment one”
Cathee
I hope for you to have peace and ease. Such ease. Thank you for sharing your joy. My heart swells for you and for Zaiden. Oh, blessings!
Darling Karen,
You will be sorely missed, but you will never be “gone.” Whatever you choose to do, remember to check in on all of us who love you from time to time.
Fond memories — and loads of love, now and always,
Cristina xx
Karen,
I wish you Peace and Love. Thank you for sharing with me!
Angela
Dearest Karen,
My heart is jpyous and breaking at the same time. I am so glad that you have had the true blessing of having your beloved Zaiden with you and that hearts were softened so that it could be. i feel so priviledged to have met you at the retreat and am so sad to think of losing you. I will always remember your shining spirit and example and am looking forward to your time without pain. You will be Zaiden’s guardian angel and she will always know of your love and care. You have changed me in so many ways. Thank You for that. I don’t want you to go, but do go in peace love and light. I will always love and remember you!!
Jayne oxox
{coralily.com}
Reach for the Joy: Meet Karen and Zaiden
While on our journey on the road of life, things happen that make you stop in your tracks and pause for deep thought and action. Karen made me do that.
continued here…
My dearest Karen so brave and peaceful. Loving you and inspired by you. I miss you my dear friend I miss you. I send you the biggest warmest hug. Peace be with you sweet girl and peace be with your family and your Zaiden. loving you always…
dianne xoxoxo
Prayers and love from me & my family… Be at peace lovely woman be at peace.
love Dianne, Ari, Elijah, Johnathan and Jillian xoxoxo