Restless Soul and Zaiden’s Gift

February 9, 2011 by admin 

Mark, Karen, Dad, Dave and Mom, October 2009

Karen Garcia

April 14, 1968 – January 27, 2011
Eulogy by Dave Garcia

I’m Karen’s brother. When she and I were growing up together, she used to say that if we had grown up in the 60’s, I would have been in the Army fighting in Vietnam and she would have been a hippie back in the United States protesting the war. This was her way of saying, “Dave and I are different people”… we have different ideologies, different politics, and different ideas about the world.

Anyone who ever knew Karen, knew that it was VERY important for her to set herself apart from conventional ideas. As my parents and their spouses can attest, Karen used to spend hours debating many subjects: From bedtimes and choice of schools earlier in life to career choices and parenting philosophies as an adult. Karen always had to be different.

Karen with Wings


The fact is, Karen and I are not that different. We have similar political beliefs and we have some important traits in common: We are hard-working, passionate, and extremely strong-willed. We share these traits with our brother, Mark, and we inherited these traits from our parents.

To be clear….when God was handing out the strong-willed gene, he gave Karen a triple dose.

Karen had an unwavering belief in her ideas and she was an extremely strong person. She was worthy of all of our respect because, whether you agreed with her or not, she was always strong in her beliefs.

When Karen was 8 years old, she was hit by a car. It was a rough time for our family. She broke both of her legs and she was in traction and a body cast. As Karen laid in a body cast, she told us that she would play baseball within a year….She never had any interest in baseball. At the time, I was only in second grade but I told my Mom there was no way this would happen. The next spring, less than a year later, she was playing in a co-ed baseball league. She probably did it just to prove everyone wrong.

Karen was an actress. All of our aunts, uncles, grandparents, everyone who has known Karen for most of her life knew that she would be a performer. There was never a more perfect career choice for a human being than Karen becoming an actress. She was born to be an actress and it was her passion in life. She was unshakably confident on stage. From grade school to our 30’s, every time I got the chance to see her in a play, there would always be a moment where I would be struck by the realization that she was disappearing into the role. She was that good.

One night, when we were in Jr. High, Mark, Karen, and I were sitting around watching TV and The Tonight Show came on. This was when Johnny Carson was still hosting. Karen was sitting in a big chair and she crossed her arms and said to Mark and me, “I’ll never do an interview with Johnny”… well, being the great brothers that we were, Mark and I started cracking up. Mark started slapping his knee and rolling on the floor. Karen didn’t get the joke. She didn’t even crack a smile. She was solid in her belief that she would one day become a famous Hollywood actress.
Like I said, she was very strong-willed.

I firmly believe that Karen had the talent to be a successful actress. With a few breaks, some different decisions, and perhaps a little luck, she could have been that actress in Titanic.

Like most actresses, Karen was a restless soul. There were a lot of contradictions in her life. She was sure about her acting abilities, but there were a lot of other things that she was not sure about. She was constantly looking for things in the world that made sense to her. She was curious about spirituality. As I mentioned last night, she searched for many religions and faiths. She explored Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, and many other spiritual ideologies. She picked the parts of each one that made sense to her. She didn’t really care if people judged her for her ideas, she was searching for things that made sense TO HER.
Her restless spirit went beyond issues of faith. She looked for happiness in new friends, new cities, and new partners. Because of this restless spirit, she would often move away from her family. I don’t mean physically “move away”. She moved to New York, LA, Portland, Las Vegas, etc.… but many of us have moved away. Rather she moved away from her family emotionally and mentally because she was convinced people didn’t understand her.

It wasn’t until later in life that she truly understood the unconditional love of family.

When Karen’s daughter, Zaiden, was born, Karen changed. No longer was she chasing career goals or searching for meaning in her life. Her new passion was motherhood. From the moment Zaiden arrived, Karen realized the unconditional love of family. She had some unique ideas about parenting. Much like her spiritual quest, she read a lot of books about parenting and picked the parts of each philosophy that made sense to her. But regardless of her parenting ideas, her unconditional love for Zaiden was always obvious.
Karen and baby Zaiden
Over the last part of Karen’s life, as she struggled with her disease, she learned the valuable lesson that she NEEDED her family and her closest friends. She developed a new bond with each one of us, and while it was never easy, Karen made the effort to connect with everyone and show her gratitude and her love.

As she became sicker, it was no longer possible for her to take care of Zaiden as a parent, but rather, she needed Zaiden to take care of her. There are countless stories of Zaiden comforting her mother through pain and sadness. The six years of parenting went a long way, and the tables were turned, Zaiden was comforting her mother.

Finally, I want to tell the story of a gift Zaiden gave to Karen. As Karen dealt with the final moments of her life, she was ready to pass. She was begging for a peaceful transition. But Karen had a strong spirit and even though she was ready to go from a mental perspective, her strong WILL would not allow her to pass in a calm, easy way.

Flower Children - October 2009


In her last couple of days, she was semi-comatose, but she was singing. It was no surprise that she was a performer right to the end. She seemed to be trying to let go, but there was something in her that prevented her from going peacefully. My Mom and Dad kept telling her “we give you permission to go”… but her strong will seemed to be taking charge and she wasn’t ready.

A hug and a kiss


On the afternoon that Karen passed, it was peaceful in her room. We were talking softly to her. Then her cell phone rang, I jumped up and saw that it was Zaiden calling. I silenced the ring and I said to Karen, “that was Zaiden, she gives you permission to go”…. One minute later, Karen passed.

We all believe Zaiden knew what she was doing and she gave her mother an amazing gift.

Read with love by Dave Garcia at Karen’s memorial service on February 4, 2011

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Comments

One Response to “Restless Soul and Zaiden’s Gift”

  1. Elizabeth on February 10th, 2011 2:21 pm

    kalena was in our unschooling group for a short while in Las Vegas. We knew of all her troubles before she got the diagnosis. We have prayed for her every Tuesday. Thank you for taking the time to post this. It is lovely. Peace be with you.

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