Plant your seeds in love

August 2, 2008 by Karen 

I am back with some new insights. I have just come through a very dark period and I am working to clean up the pieces. I am sorry that I have abandoned many of my friends through this process. I could not write because all that was coming out was venomous. I am ready to once again REACH FOR THE JOY…

 

Love is all there is.

 

Then why is it so evasive? Difficult to grasp? Why do we have such a hard time finding it? Maybe we are looking outside of ourselves when all the time it is deep within. From the moment of our births we are aware of this love, inside our tiny, fresh, new hearts, and then we spend our lives forgetting, day by day. We listen to the world, rather then listening to our hearts. We go searching for love outside of ourselves and often in the most unlikely of places.

 

We plant our seeds so often in fear and then wonder why nothing grows. We get weeds where we thought we planted roses. We think that we are nurturing our dreams, but in our haste, we are throwing dirt on top of dirt and forgetting about the water and the sunshine.

 

I have spent much of my life coming from a place of fear. That is why the cancer grew, because somehow I planted it there. I didn’t know it. And it could have taken me over, like the choking leaves of a vine, taking the life of the tree it surrounds. But no more. I am done. I am shedding, pruning, letting go of the fear I have let take over my life. I had to let it grow all around me before I could really see what was happening. That is the lesson.

 

Love. Why does it elude us? It is really so simple. It is a gift. It is in us, around us. But somehow we miss it. I am beginning to see that is in the silence. It is in between all the words. We talk and fill the void with words and things to do and run from one project to another. When do we stop and nurture that place of love that is in all of us?

 

I am through with fear. I am through with dis-ease. Because disease is being “ill at ease,” not in your center, not coming from love, but from fear. DIS- ease. I think I learned that from Louise Hay years ago. Wayne Dyer talks about it as well. We actually have a choice in the matter. We came from love, we are love. I now chose to live in love.

 

We are all here with some sort of contract. A mission to play out in our own unique way. And we are all involved in one another’s lives to teach one another and learn from one another in deep and profound ways. We agree to love each other and hurt each other in order that we might grow. And sometimes those lessons are brief, and sometimes they take a lifetime. It is knowing when to say goodbye that is the tricky part. And our hearts get mangled in the goodbyes.

 

Yet most of us are the walking dead. I was. I know I was. I thought I wasn’t. I thought I had learned these lessons through books and classes and yoga and acting, through marriage and having a baby. Through my family. Through my friends. Through prayer and church and meditation. But I was only scratching the surface. Cancer has been my greatest teacher.

 

And now I am ready to prune the leaves that have been choking the life out of me. The cancer, the fear, the hate. And nurture the love.

 

Today, my oncologist and I went over my latest scans. The cancer is in remission. I knew it would be. There are still areas that are clearing, but I know that now that I am here in this place of love, it is only a matter of time before the weeds of cancer are choked away by the flower garden of love I am nurturing. Now that I have the tools.

 

In LOVE

 

Karen

 

“Everything will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.” Anonymous

  

Filed under: Living Journal

Comments

3 Responses to “Plant your seeds in love”

  1. Elizabeth on August 2nd, 2008 6:26 am

    YEAH! So glad for some good news.

  2. Lori Jordan on August 3rd, 2008 2:57 pm

    Did you say “remission”? That’s awesome! I am so grateful.

    Love, Lori

    “Open your heart and you will never face closed doors.” -MSA

  3. Jessica Rosa on October 21st, 2008 3:09 pm

    Hi Kalena this Jessica Rosa I used to work at the front desk at Lonestar Oncology. I was thinking about you and found the business card you had given me and decided to check out your website. I really like the changes you’ve made to it. I hope you are doing well and I am very sorry to hear of the separation between you and Rick. My prayers are always with you and your family. Please remain strong and hope to hear from you some time soon. P.S. You look great in your new pictures! :)