My Story

I was 38 years young and nursing my daughter when I noticed not a lump, but a mass in my left breast. My daughter had always preferred the right side, so at first I thought it was a clog in the milk duct. I kept one eye on it, but continued with life as usual.
A few months later I had a routine gynecology exam. I showed my OBGYN the mysterious mass- it was about the size of a strawberry. Considering my “B” cup size, this was beginning to concern me. She had never seen anything like it and sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound immediately. Both tests returned “negative.”
This began nearly a year of misdiagnosis.

I sought out a specialist- a breast surgeon. She didn’t seem concerned at all. Of course, it wasn’t HER breast! As she cavalierly put it, “I don’t wanna cut you open for no reason.” Her take on it was that it was due to breast feeding and urged me to pump and relieve the pressure. I did. Nothing. Not even a drop. Because it wasn’t painful, the surgeon suggested we “keep an eye on it.” I was told that that was the end of it. I was not permitted to seek out a second opinion. Although I knew that a PET scan would determine what was happening to my body, insurance would not cover it. Case closed…
Next thing I knew, my back hurt. And when I say hurt, I mean I couldn’t get up off the floor from playing with my toddler. I was an active Mom and an acting teacher. I did yoga several times a week. The floor was my friend! No longer. I couldn’t lift my 25 pound daughter. I had to solicit strangers at the grocery store to help my daughter into the cart. Everything became a chore- even smiling.
I saw chiropractors. No adjustment held- not even on the drive home. The pain became debilitating.
It was not until months later when a friend took me to the Emergency Room because I could not get out of bed that I was finally diagnosed. The ER doctor needed only a glace to proclaim I had “advanced cancer.” By then, the disease was in my spine, my lung, my liver and both breasts. Stage IV. Prognosis: 6 months to 2 years until cancer would take my precious life.

Initially, I was terrified, angry, believed I would die. I succumbed to harsh chemo, radiation and surgery. The surgery was on my spine- they said there was one vertebrae that was about to collapse. As for the breast- I was told I was too far gone to even consider a mastectomy.
For me, this became a wake -up call. I discovered that for me, this was deeper than the physical. And though I now have a wonderful oncologist whom I adore, we do not always see things the same way. Each and every time I go in for a scan, I believe that I am healed. When I discover that I am not quite there yet, she urges me to try this drug or that. Each time I need to weigh it in my mind, in my heart, and take it to my Higher Self. Sometime she wins, sometimes I do… At least she respects that this is my life, my journey, my choice.
Early on, I began mumbling to myself “I am so much more than this body.” I got down to my spirit. I prayed, meditated, saw healers, gurus, you name it. I even went to Mexico for “alternative treatment.” And I got so much more out of it than I can even explain. It was definitely a huge part of my healing curve. And because of so much more than the medicines they offered.
Within this website, I began to write. I wrote about JOY and LIFE and LOVE.
It is now 2 ½ years later and I am still here- still writing- still praying and mediating. I have done my share of western drugs (I have lost my hair twice!)- but my faith lies in my Higher Self. My healing comes not from destroying the cancer, but building my spirit. After all, we are Spiritual Beings having a Physical Experience.
The good news: My last scan (January 2010) showed no measurable disease in any organs! A miracle by medical standards. There are still “issues” in the bones. And I am at yet another cross road: To chemo or not to chemo? My heart tells me NO. My doc tells me it is “my only hope.”
I have heard this countless times- That my life depends on chemotherapy and radiation and medicine. On vomiting and nausea and hairloss… ?? I don’t think so.
It is not that I am stubborn and want to go against the grain. I am all that, it’s true. BUT, I know that the power to heal me is WITHIN! I have proven it time and time again along this journey.
That is not to say that the medicine hasn’t helped. I am sure it has, to a degree.
For now I believe it is enough to surrender: To allow the good cells to multiply and take over my body and trust God in Her infinite wisdom. I sing all the time. “Every little cell in my body is happy, every little cell in my body is well…”
Reach for the JOY to me means looking for the gifts in everything. Experiencing everyday miracles and recognizing them. Being in constant gratitude. REACH- it is right there, in you , around you. Just reach.
I believe the greatest healing in my body has occurred through laughter, through love, through faith and through JOY. And I believe that cancer will not be what sends me “Home…” No. I have too much to learn and share. Especially when it comes to my baby girl- who is now 5- and is the light of my life!
She once told me that she knew I would get cancer, but chose me anyway. This from a scared 2 ½ year old! She reminds me daily that “Bald is Beautiful.” Once when I was detoxing, she told me “Sorry, Mommy, but you stink…” I told her it was the cancer leaving. Her eyes lit up. She corrected herself and proclaimed, “You smell like ROSES, Mommy!”
Please read on. Or contact me. And tell others about this site. I believe that part of my journey is to share with others how I heal and how they, too have the power within them. We all do. Remember, we are all Spiritual Beings having a Physical Experience.
YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD!

- Karen