Keep Reaching No Matter What!
September 5, 2009 by Karen
Me and My Girl
Feeling sad today. I miss my baby girl.
It is amazing how when we carry someone- share our bodies with them- we are linked in a way that cannot be put to words. Connected forever.
I hate this- hate that I am missing today. Missing out on so much of her life. She is growing in leaps and bounds. Intelligent. Compassionate. Kind. Beautiful. Funny. People say she is starting to look like me. (I still don’t see it) She wants to emulate me. Which is not always the best thing…
She asked recently when she was going to get cancer… NEVER! Ever!
Most of the time I can find the JOY in the situation… When we are together on our ten day stints each month we are TRULY together. We make each and every moment count. Even the quiet, side by side, doin’ our own things moments. And the time she is in Austin, I know she is safe and healthy and happy. She loves her Daddy and he loves her. And I get time to heal- to rest… But of course I would much rather be with Zaiden. Always…
This has been the hardest part of the ride. The not having daily physical contact with my daughter- my baby whom I carried and nursed. Yes, I still have my “Why Me!?” days. My fits of tears. My Feelin-sorry-for-myself, stuck in the blues moments. It sucks. It’s hard. I hate it. I want to scream (and sometimes I do!). I get angry with myself and with God…
But I always come back, eventually. Because this is it. This is what I have to deal with. And so I Reach. I Reach high. I Reach deep. Sometimes it is difficult to find. But it is there… The Joy.
I am here, I am alive, I can sing and dance and play and eat and laugh and cry and learn and love and live.
And my baby will always be my baby.
They can’t take that away from me…
Reach- Reach for your Joy- no matter what life throws at you.
With tears in my eyes, sending you JOY-
Karen
with love from Zaiden
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Cup Half Full is a beautiful, important book of women and men on the journey with breast cancer, photographed by the incredible Katy Tartakoff. I was lucky enough to participate in this important project. It's an amazing book and 75% of all proceeds go to support breast cancer charities.
Karen,
That is so lovely, keep writing your story!! It is healing for you and everyone who reads your words — you are a gift and you have a gift share it with the world miss thang! I love you,
Shake your booty!
Charlotte