Love Lingers
March 3, 2009 by Karen
Today is a new day- a fresh opportunity to live your life the way you want to. Isn’t it nice to know that we receive that gift each and every morning? The past is GONE– VANISHED! Whatever mistakes you made, however much you hurt, all is but a dream. Yet the love of yesterday lingers.
One of the “benefits” of sitting where I do it the incredibly outpouring of love and support from everywhere. Old friends I have not spoken with in 20+ years are reaching out to me. Strangers- or new friendships waiting to blossom- ask what they can do to help. Family has often dropped their own important tasks to assist me. I feel an overwhelming amount of gratitude every single day. THANK YOU- for loving me, for reading this, for sharing your love and hopes and prayers…
I am writing with news of a decision I have made, and a request for assistance. It pains me that I am not in the financial position to save my own life- but I have come to terms with that part of my story. I chose theatre to play out my passion and to share a vision of the world with others. Like many artists, money does not always follow the dream.
20 months ago, I lay in an Austin hospital fighting for my life, newly diagnosed, doctors giving me life expectancy rates that terrified me. Many of you sent what you could- advice, cards, links, money, flowers, love, prayers, wishes, information. All of it was treasured. In my desperation, I sought a solution to cure the dis-ease that was eating my spirit along with my body. I found an amazing option: The San Diego Clinic in Tijuana, Mexico.
Many in my family were against the idea. At the time, we had little information- about my health, my options and alternative practices outside the US. The price tag made it easy to dismiss. Instead I chose the route of aggressive chemo- which nearly took my life- and then dove into my own “alternative” treatments. I have to say that overall, I have fared well with all I have been led to and chosen for myself. Here I am more than a year and a half later and I am thriving… relatively.
Yet I find myself at a new crossroads. The bone mets (the disease that has spread to the bone, namely hips and spine) are not letting up. For more than a year and a half I have heard medical professionals’ warnings that “the hips will break…” Of course, you know me…. I stick my fingers in my ears and sing Raindrops on Roses. But, I am beginning to feel a bit like a ticking time bomb.
Ironically, I have never felt stronger! I am practicing yoga- I mean REALLY doing it again! I am also starting to train for the 2 day Avon walk. I have energy to spare, enjoy wrestling and running around with my Zaiden. I am truly enJOYing my life once again.
Well, I have decided to revisit the clinic-in-Mexico idea. I have spent the week researching all sorts of theories and trials and diets and supplements. I have spoken to two separate medical doctors, unaffiliated with the SD Clinic. All signs point to YES!
Much of their treatment plans and research come from Germany- where they have had the biggest breakthroughs in cancer research. They offer a protocol that has an 80% success rate for advanced (stage 4) cancers!! It includes hypothermia and low dose chemo specifically designed to the person’s DNA. It is a 1 month treatment and people walk away with NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER!! It is remarkable! They actually target the chemo to the cancer site(s) and block it off from the rest of the body. Did you know that most people in the US die not from cancer, but from their treatment?? It is disturbing that in the 21st century there are actual cures, but as Americans we cannot get them!!
What I like most is this clinic focuses on the WHOLE person. One thing I discovered in my research this week is disturbing- over 95% of women who get breast cancer have had some sort of dental issues in their lives- botched root canals, mercury fillings, even wisdom teeth removal could be a factor. I try not to waste my energy on playing the “how did I get this…” game. But if you are a healthy female reading this, I URGE you to consult with a biological or holistic dentist as soon as possible- especially if you have mercury fillings or have had root canals (or in my case, a really bad experience removing my wisdom teeth… I went to a clinic because I was an actress and could not afford a “real” dentist… had I only known the price would catch up with me 18 years later, I would have begged, borrowed or stolen to see a good dentist!)- No use in me crying over spilled milk- but if I can help anyone else, that is my goal.
They offer supplement and dietary counseling and believe in the power of positive thought, prayer and forgiveness- all of which are on my top ten!
The clinic is called San Diego Clinic and their website is www.sandiegoclinic.info
Because they are not in the US (the clinic is literally a block from the boarder!), the San Diego Clinic and others like it are free to do treatments that have not been “regulated” by the FDA. It is frustrating to see trials and tests on drugs that actually work spend YEARS in red tape, only to sometimes never find their way to the public! I have a lot to say about the politics of dis-ease and the pharmaceutical industry, but I will save that for another day.
But, because they are not on US soil, they are not subsidized, like so many American corporations. Nor do they take insurance. This means high out of pocket costs. Namely, $40,000 for the one month recommended. (More or less based on individual needs).
I am looking into every possible avenue of financial assistance- the clinic themselves offer help to patients, which is hopeful! If you have any ideas, please pass them on to me. Of course, time is always of the essence. My current oncologist is anxious to start me on a new chemo regimen asap and I would much rather go the “holistic” way.*
I am asking if anyone might be inclined to host a fund raiser for me, or direct people en masse to my site. I know these are difficult economic times for all of us. But if everyone I know could help me raise $1000, it could be the difference in being alive for another few years- the difference in my daughter having actual memories of her Mom. Maintaining my strength is vital to my being able to parent my precious girl.
I apologize for asking for something as base as money from people who have been so important to me throughout my life. To have the emotional love and support of friends, new and old in my corner while I fight this battle… that is priceless! Please know that I wouldn’t ask if it were not so urgent.
If there is any way you can help, I would be most grateful. My address is 1118 Josephine St Denver CO 80206. My phone is 303-974-5229 and my email is kalenajoy@gmail.com
I am setting up a PayPal account on my site once again to make donations easier.
I am scared; I won’t pretend I’m not. But I remain faithful, positive and strong. And most of all, grateful for every moment I have on this planet. I am mostly grateful for the showing of love and support from my family and friends.
God Bless and REACH FOR THE JOY!!!
Love
Karen
*Standard chemotherapy is toxic and cancer patients often die of treatment, not of the cancer. It is like throwing a bug bomb on the whole block because you have ants in the basement. The immune system is taxed and the side effects are unimaginable (I know- I went through it all last summer!). The difference in the low dose is that it is a small amount combined with immune booting agents- similar to the homeopathy model. There are few side effects and the response rate is incredible. There is also the ability to isolate the cancer cells and only blast them with the drug, while keeping the healthy cells blocked. The science is amazing- why it is not done in the US is frustrating at best. One day when I am back to my healthy self, I will do what I can to change policies in our country. But for today, I believe this is the best protocol for me.
Buddha (563 BC – 483 BC)
Confucius (551 BC – 479 BC)
Hello Again!!
January 30, 2009 by Karen
I cannot express with words the gratitude I feel for all the prayers and love and light I have received through this most trying period of my life. Thank you for continuing to reach out and browse through this site.
I am deeply sorry that I abandoned my writing with little explanation. I promise that one day (soon!) I will begin to write again. It has been a long period of darkness and I am beginning to see the light. And, as promised, it is all starting to make sense. There is only so much that I can share at this point, mostly because I am still deciphering much of this journey myself.
Know this much: I WILL BEAT THIS! I already have, in my heart and mind. My body is catching up.
Medically speaking, I am still under care of my oncologist, whom I love and trust with my very life. I believe that her hand is being guided by our Higher Power and even she is amazed by the speed of my recovery. I finished six months of “low dose” chemo in early November. Chemo is something that I swore I would never endure again, after what happened to me in the summer of 2007. But I prayed about it and thought about it for a very long time before I made the decision. And in the end, it was the right decision for me- for that time.
I am currently receiving a monthly dose of Herceptin (if you have not seen the Lifetime film, Living Proof about this amazing discovery- please do! http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/living-proof ) as well as a bone strengthening medication. I am also on a hormone medication. I am having no side effects whatsoever. I am feeling strong and capable- better than I have in years. My body is truly miraculous!
I am working with an incredible woman named Chrystal who is a yoga instructor trained to work with people with all sorts of disabilities. My posture is returning and more important, my spirit soars!
I still do not know how to edit the photos on this site. Perhaps someone out there can assist me? Meanwhile, I have posted a new set on KodakGallery.com – If you would like to see them, please feel free to email me and I will send you an invitation to view them. mailto:kareng@reachforthejoy.org) I have also joined Facebook and am having a ball reconnecting with so many people I have loved throughout my life. So if you are on FB, “Friend me!”
I cherish every moment I spend with my beloved Zaiden. She is four now- so intelligent and compassionate! I believe, in many ways, she saved me from myself through this ordeal. We have so much FUN together!! She grows more beautiful in and out every day. And she is still my best teacher.
One big decision I have made recently is to take back my birth name- my name of origin, if you will. I have “tried on” so many names- so many identities. It is time to go back to basics. It has not been made legal as yet, but please consider me your friend, Karen Garcia.
Life is good. Don’t forget to count your blessings. YOU are one of the millions of blessings I treasure each day.
Thank you again for your love and support. Love and Light- Karen (that was Kalena)
Karen means Pure. And holding that image brings me peace and healing energy.
Follow your Heart: Fear no More
August 10, 2008 by Karen
They say that there are only two emotions: Love and Fear. And everything else is merely degrees from the two. Maybe this life is about letting go of our fears and trusting that it will all be alright. That it is all alright. Maybe there is Someone out there, up there, in there, guiding us, watching us. And even as we face our biggest fears, like death, cancer, lost love, it is all alright. It is all a part of the journey.
I may not have power of manipulation or prestige or money. But I do know how to follow my heart. And face my fears. I have seen a lot in a year’s time. And I know that I am following my heart and somehow I am being guided through my journey and I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And if I just take that leap of faith, and trust that God, the Universe, my Divine Self is watching over me, everything will work itself out. Just breathe and let life unfold. And even the most terrifying of moments will pass, and we will heal and learn. And if we don’t, well, we move on. To face it all again, or not.
All I know is that I am following my heart and I know I am going to be just fine. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to for my sake, for Zaiden’s sake, for all our sake. Trust. Forgive. Love. And Fear no more.
Plant your seeds in love
August 2, 2008 by Karen
I am back with some new insights. I have just come through a very dark period and I am working to clean up the pieces. I am sorry that I have abandoned many of my friends through this process. I could not write because all that was coming out was venomous. I am ready to once again REACH FOR THE JOY…
Love is all there is.
Then why is it so evasive? Difficult to grasp? Why do we have such a hard time finding it? Maybe we are looking outside of ourselves when all the time it is deep within. From the moment of our births we are aware of this love, inside our tiny, fresh, new hearts, and then we spend our lives forgetting, day by day. We listen to the world, rather then listening to our hearts. We go searching for love outside of ourselves and often in the most unlikely of places.
A Phoenix Rises From the Ashes
July 5, 2008 by Karen
Please forgive my absence these past few months…
My health is improving beyond anything I ever hoped for. The cancer is retreating and I am feeling stronger than I have in over a year. My hair is back- curlier and grayer. My posture has improved, my attitude is good. Moving to be with my family has really helped my body, mind and spirit. There are a few new photos in the gallery (“What a difference a year makes”) and I promise to post more when I take them. (I no longer have a camera)
I am living in downtown Denver in a beautiful, green neighborhood – right next to the Botanical Gardens and real close to my brothers and parents. They have been incredible through this trying journey. I finally have an oncologist who is working WITH me, and we have found a treatment that is kicking cancer ass and not effecting me in the least. Seriously- no side effects and no pain!
Of course there are no guarantees, but I see myself living well into my 50s- even 60s! But one thing all this has taught me: We only have TODAY!!
I want to clear up any misunderstandings about my coming to Colorado: Zaiden and I came here on vacation- Rick was supposed to join us and at the last minute decided against making the trip. My father and brothers and over 100 family members live here. In fact, Rick and I considered moving here instead of Austin last year. While we were visiting for three weeks, my family and I discussed my health, which at the time was in decline, and my pending separation. They were concerned about my situation, as I had intended to move out and rent a room on my own upon my return. I asked Rick if he would consider moving here where we could all be surrounded by the loving support of my enormous, extended, loving family. We had only lived in Austin for 9 months. There was no job, no roots, no family. While we have all created incredible freindships and support, I felt that at this point in our lives, family was essential for all of us. He responded by hiring an attorney.
It has been a very difficult couple of months. Zaiden returned to Austin on June 1 and only last week, came for a twelve day visit. I have missed her beyond belief! We are having a wonderful time, learning and playing and growing and loving. I pray that the court will hear both sides and allow my little girl to spend time with me while I still have my health.
We are going to a hearing for the custody of our Zaiden on the 21st. I could really use all the prayers you have. I am in debt beyond belief and living off of disability. This is a scarier time than last July, if you can imagine. But I am, as always, keeping my head above water with prayer and faith and REACHING FOR THE JOY!!
Please write me and let me know how to reach you. I have lost most of my email addresses and my phone numbers and I miss you all so very much.
I would love to hear from you!!!!
Love
Kalena Joy
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Cup Half Full
Cup Half Full is a beautiful, important book of women and men on the journey with breast cancer, photographed by the incredible Katy Tartakoff. I was lucky enough to participate in this important project. It's an amazing book and 75% of all proceeds go to support breast cancer charities.
