An Attitude of Gratitude

November 17, 2007 by Karen 

I will get out of this. How? Why me? Because I could easily have succumbed and died by the end of the summer, as all the doctors predicted I would. Become another statistic. And there were times, I now realize, that I began to believe what “they” were telling me. In fact, my little girl, Zaiden just turned three this week, and as we were blowing out her candles together I realized that there were moments that I actually thought I would not make it to see her birthday. Well, her birthday was three days ago. And it was spectacular!
And here I am. Still breathing, still walking around, smiling and rejoicing.

So, what made ME different than the countless others who were given a death sentence and didn’t make it? Who were diagnosed stage four and left with a prediction of x number of months to live and it actually came to being? (Which I never heard, by the way. I plugged my ears and sang LA LA LA LA LA whenever the docs mentioned this utter bull.)

Here is what I believe made the difference in this body of mine: GRATITUDE.
It all started with a game we play with Zaiden: “The Grateful Game.” Every night at dinner, we hold hands and go around the circle sharing what we are grateful for. We started this game before she could talk, and now Zaiden enjoys sharing our game whenever we have company at the dinner table. She loves it so much, she will often say “Tell me what am I grateful for, Mom” (meaning I need to ask her, set the stage, so she can count her own blessings). I remembered this in the hospital. In the midst of so much SHIT, I searched high and low for what I was grateful for. As crazy as that sounds and as difficult as it was, I did. Every day. (Thank God I had many angels reminding me daily to look for the blessings all around me!)

If there is one piece of advice I need to pass on to others to anyone who ever touches my life from this day forward: LOOK FOR THE BLESSINGS!! However hard that might sound, just do it. Remember me if it helps.
There I was “Diagnosis: TERMINAL” stamped on my forehead, loaded up with all sorts of narcotics. Didn’t know my own name some days. And I searched high and low daily for the blessings. And the more I found, the easier it became. Some days I even had enough to spill over to the next day. And I keep a running tab of all that I am grateful for.
Here are a few I am willing to share off the top of my head:
1) I am ALIVE!
2) I have an incredible husband who stands by my side, no matter what!
3) I have a healthy, smart, gorgeous, loving, hysterical, kind-hearted little girl who thinks I am the most beautiful Mommy in the world.
4) I can see and hear and smell and taste and touch so much of the beauty that is.
5) The sun, the moon, the stars.
6) That we are all connected.
7) That God loves me more than I can fathom and holds me safely in Her arms.
Need more? Just look around!!

The other game we play that helped me get to today was, “What was your favorite part of today.” And no matter what kind of a day we’ve had, we search for the one gem. No matter how difficult the day, there is always some blessing. Even if it is a tiny one. Even the smallest of blessings can fill your heart with Joy.
So every day, ask yourself two questions: “What am I grateful for?” And “What was my favorite part of today?” And then LET IT IN!!! Let the Love in. Let the Joy in. Let it in!!

Let it in… this has been my biggest lesson so far in all of this. Sure, I could ask (for help or love or whatever) but I was never too good at receiving. And now, finally, I have learned to Ask, to Allow, and to show Gratitude.

Start each day in an attitude of gratitude.
FEEL IT ALL!! All the JOY! All the Pain. And LIVE!! Really and truly LIVE!!

Today has been a particularly crappy day- I had my drips yesterday (Meds that go in slowly through my port- kinda like an IV that lives in my upper chest permanently. Not fun!), and I had a terrible reaction. In fact, I don’t have a whole lot of memory of the latter part of the day. So today I have stayed in bed. And I feel weak and awful and vulverable and pretty much like a truck hit me. When I play my game later, I will probably say: “I am grateful for the special alone time I had watching my daughter play with all of her new Fairy presents and for the tender loving care I received in triple from my amazing husband.” And my favorite part of today has been sharing this secret with you.

I know I won’t live forever, but I don’t believe that cancer is going to take me. My spirit and my heart are so wide open and happy and healed. My body is just going to take some time to catch up. But I know that I am out of the woods today. And I am grateful!

With Boundless Gratitude!!

Kalena

And I am not the only one with something to say about gratitude:

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
- Denis Waitley

Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.
-Charles E. Jefferson (1860 – 1937)

Gratitude is the memory of the heart.
-Italian Proverb

It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.
-Roberto Benigni (1952 – )

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.
-Cicero (106 BC – 43 BC)

Gratitude is our most direct line to God and the angels. If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled we feel, we can find something to be thankful for.
-Terry Lynn Taylor

For today and its blessings, I owe the world an attitude of gratitude.
-Clarence E. Hodges

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