Sing Your Song
March 22, 2010 by Karen
I am feeling as though the end of my journey is near. I am truly surrendered.
This is to be rejoiced. I have completed many of the missions I set forth to accomplish in this current body. I thought there might be more. And perhaps there is.
I have thought and prayed a great deal on this. At one time I thought my mission was to act- to share human emotion in a theatrical bent- to create joy, laughter, contemplation through the words of Shakespeare and Shaw and lesser playwrights.
Still other times, I thought it was to write the great best seller.
I believed that it was to make a big “SPLASH” in one way of other.
What if it was all for Zaiden? What if my nearly 42 years was all to prepare me to prepare her for her greatness? What if it was all for the people whose lives I have touched and effected in some way? What if it was nothing more than learning to love? And to forgive? Is this not a high calling? I am beginning to see that it is.
If all our lives amount to is loving those we reach, isn’t this a great accomplishment? To love and be loved is the highest of all callings.
Surrender is a word that I have been using ad-nauseum of late. Surrender. It is not “giving up” or “giving in” to the dis-ease or to the pain and suffering of my human life. No. It is quite the opposite.
For me, I have learned much on this journey with cancer. It has been a great teacher to me- and I believe to many whose life has crossed mine in some way. I have learned to love, to forgive, to accept. I am sure that there is always more to be learned, but I am satisfied with where I have gotten myself.
You know that I believe in “ONENESS”- that we are all connected by spirit. We are all God and God is us. Consider music. Music is a concept that connot be touched. Only when it is deciphered can it be heard and felt. Music can capture our hearts and minds- and yet it is not tangible. I see each of us as a particular melody- a unique combination of notes, pauses, stanzas. We harmonize our song with others in love. It all sounds lovely when we meet our “Song-mates.” Yet, there are times when our own beautiful melody is combined with another’s song quite different from ours and suddenly ours sounds out of tune, too loud or too soft, not quite right. And we doubt our own ability to sing our song. Or we blame the other for creating “bad music.” But ultimately, each of us has our song and whether our song meets anothers in harmony or not, we are all music. And it is our right, our duty, our mission to sing that song proudly. This is how I see our connection to the Creator and to one another.
I have been singing my song for 42 years now, sometimes singing loudly, proudly with clarity and pride. Other times I have tried to hide my song for fear of it being mis-heard or creating a cacaphony when combined with another song vastly different than mine. But all our songs are to be heard- loud and clear.
Sing your song! Sing it loud- sing it proud! You have so much to share!
One of my favorite songs as a child was Karen Carpenter’s “Sing a Song“- “Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear- just sing!” The simplest lessons are those we learn early on and carry us into the big, scarey world.
I have been honored to raise my spirited, independent- thinking, unique Zaiden for just over five years. I was not prepared to leave her so soon. But I get that this was a part of my journey and part of hers. I hear her repeat some of the lessons I have taught her in her play and it fills my heart with JOY. It reminds me that she will be wonderful- she IS wonderful- in spite of the difficulties she has already endured- and those she will endure. She chose ME- of all the other “Mommys” available for the pickin’. I was the one she chose to love and learn from. I was the one she chose to help bring out her song that she will go one singing until her journey’s end. I was who she trusted with her first, vital five years. And her Daddy is who she chose to remain with once I am gone. And their songs will blend and divide in order to challange one another to their own unique songs. And I trust, too, that he was chosen for this particular job with wisdom and clarity. They are divine partners to bring about the opera or musical that is theirs and theirs alone. Meanwhile, I will have the great privlege of living in her heart, reminding her to proudly sing her song, no matter what. I will watch over her from a cloud, beaming proudly as her voice raises in all its perfection- all its “Zaiden-ness.” What an extremely high calling.
Zaiden seems to get what is going on. Out of her mouth came the request to be with me now for as long as we have. Her Daddy heard her and conceded to her request. So she is now by my side until she is not. And we find the harmonies we share each and every day.
She lets me rest (usually!), she compassionately helps out whenever I need something. And in my lucid moments, she sings to me- always reminding me in her sweet way that she chose me and that she will be ok.
I am so honored to have had the opportunity to touch your life. I am so grateful for all the love I have received, all the harmonies I have sung with so many great souls. Especially Zaiden.
Thank you for following me on my personal journey. I am truly living one day at a time, taking advantage of momentary strength, learning to sleep and rest when it is apparent that that is what is needed most. I have grown closer to my Mom than I ever dreamed possible. She and I have finally found where our songs connect and are creating beautiful music together these days.
I don’t know where or when this journey will come to a close. I only trust in this moment.
We are all “terminal”- none of us has any guarantees. None of us will “get out of here alive.” It is truly all about the journey. Learn from my lessons. Live for NOW. Love everyone for their own unique song- even if it is chaos to your ears. And DANCE!
Continue to Reach for the JOY! It is all within you!
Namaste. I see you, I hear you and I honor you for the light being that you are.
With Love and Gratitude-
Karen
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